Tonya the Bartender, Mother, Grandmother and Musician

The room is dark and fogged with smoke. People are gathered around tables talking loudly over music, which is blaring from speakers spread throughout the room. Drinks are served by the dozens as patrons scream out orders in absolutely no orderly fashion. Bottles upon bottles fill the wall behind the bar as the bartender scrambles back and forth trying desperately to keep up with the madness. This is the life of a bartender on any given night no matter the weather.

Tonya Bearden is a 44-year-old bartender at Big Shots a biker bar on Fredrick Avenue near downtown Saint Joseph, MO. She picks up bottles, and collects tips as she says, “I love being a bartender. It’s in my blood.” She rushes back down to the other end of the bar before coming back to fill up two shot glasses, lights a cigarette and is gone again in an instant.

“What I love most about bartending are the people,” she says. “You have to be a people person in order to make any money in this business.” Good bartenders make quite a bit on a busy night, and this one was no different.

“There are times when bartending is actually better than being the one at the bar,” she says as she grabs another order from a customer across the bar, and slides a beer down the table to the customers waiting hand. “Then there are other times when customers have had a little too much to drink, and that can get a little bit hairy.”

She explains the about the difficulty in being a female and working in this field. “Being a female bartender is rough. Guys get drunk and want to get all touchy. You just have to know how to redirect them. Without upsetting them and still receive a good tip,” she said. “Sometimes that is difficult. But luckily there are always quiet a few nice people at the bar that don’t let the jerks step too far out of hand.”

“Otherwise I love the job. I love the atmosphere, the people, the music the whole environment,” she says as Bob Dylan plays through the juke box in the back of the room. “And music like this put a little extra pep into my step.”

Not only is she a bartender she is also an aspiring musician, a mother of three and a grandmother. “I love my children very much, they have always come first in my life,” she says. “But my granddaughter is my life.”

The next day I am walking into her home on the north side of Saint Joseph. The house is immaculately clean. Not what one would expect from such a busy person. The living room is gorgeous with high ceilings and a big screen television where her youngest son plays a video game. Photos of her family scatter all the walls in the hallway, the refrigerator almost a shrine to her granddaughter Madison. Her kitchen has the smell of melted butter, syrup and pancakes giving off a delicious scent.

“I pretty much let the kids have run of the house,” she says as she leads me down to the basement. “But this is my area, my sanctuary. This is where I come to relax and play my music.”

The basement is dark and cooler than the upstairs. But the atmosphere gives off a homely feeling. The lights are dimmed and incense is burning somewhere filling the air with a sweet aroma. In the center of the room is a large red couch made of a very soft fabric that looks inviting. She motions for me to take a seat as she walks into one of the back rooms.

Seconds later she appears with an acoustic guitar and a huge smile on her face, as if she was clutching her saving grace. “This guitar has guided me through some very rough times in my life,” she says as she slowly starts to tune the guitar. “Music has always been a part of me, it’s in my soul, and it’s in the air that I breathe.”

Her kids have also noticed her love from music as far back as they can remember. “My kid’s can all tell you that I used to sing them to sleep every night I could,” she says as she looks to the ceiling reliving the moment. “These kinds of memories are really what keep me believing in music as much as I do.”

“But there have also been many times in my life that have been very sad and trying on me as a person,” she says as she starts to pluck on a few strings of the guitar. “But music has always been there for me. It allows me to relax, to think about my troubles, and to work through them.” She starts to play a song and the sound of her voice calms the air.

Minutes later after the song is finished she talks about her dreams of becoming more than just an aspiring singer. “My dream is to become a singer, even at this time in my life. I still hold on to that dream,” she says. “I believe that dreams are what allow people the courage to move forward, and the courage to make a difference in this world.”

“Without dreams we would all be zombies walking the earth with no purpose,” she says with a chuckle.